Together
by PasoMaddie
Summary: I feel empty and lonely... my body craves to have a small person inside of me, to have someone who can't defend for themselves... for someone who is so vulnerable... but it's impossible... two dhampirs can't have children together... so now I'm stuck watching my best friend have a happy pregnancy with her boyfriend...
1. Chapter 1

Together  
A Vampire Academy Fanfiction  
Original author of series: Richelle Mead

CHAPTER 1

"I'm pregnant." She told me, practically bouncing on the spot with excitement. I gripped her in a hug and asked her, "Really?" I'm so happy for her and then she's talking babies with me: what to buy, that she hopes the gender will be a surprise and of course, baby names. "If it's a girl, I want to call it Cher and if it's a boy I want to call it Alexander."

I laughed, "Those are great! Has Christian thought of any?"

She groaned and laughed. "You don't even want to hear them. Honestly, guys are the worst at picking names."

We sat there laughing for what seemed like hours when there was a knock on the door. Christian stood in the doorway to my room. Since Lissa had become queen, she had given Dimitri and me our own apartment which we shared when we were at court. Right now, it was the summer break so that meant that Christian and Lissa were together all the time, therefore that meant that Dimitri and I got time to ourselves too. And at the moment, Dimitri was across the other side of court with Mikhail, doing some sort of "secret guardian" stuff he had claimed, even though I too was a guardian now. But I had let him go with a kiss so that he could have some guy time away from Christian and me.

Lissa's laugh was what brought me back to the present and when my eyes focussed on them once more, that was the moment when they decided to full on make out in front of me.

I cleared my throat and they both broke apart almost instantly—save a few last kisses—and Lissa's cheeks went a bright red.

"Ready to go?" Christian turned back to Lissa, with an excited glint in his eye. I never would have thought that I would have seen Christian look excited to be a father.

Lissa nodded enthusiastically and answered the question that hadn't been in my head but that she thought would have been. "We have a doctor's appointment today where we get to have an ultrasound. Do you want to come?" A muscle in Christian's cheek twitched and before I could give him another reason to hate me, I quickly refused, "No thanks. You guys have fun." And honestly, I didn't want to be interrupting this moment for them… not to mention that there would probably be a lot of smooching involved. Yeah… no thank you.

With that, they said their good byes and left, leaving me to stare at the closed front door feeling empty and lonely.

I trekked into the bathroom and stood with my hands rested against the edge of the sink and my eyes staring into my own through the mirror. My eyes trailed down my body until they came to rest over my stomach, soon my hands were joining it, just resting lightly over my flat belly. That was when I realised what I was missing, why I was feeling this way, why I was feeling so empty and lonely. My body craved for a baby, to have a little person inside of me, I wanted a baby. But I knew it was impossible, I didn't want to have sex with someone else. The only person I wanted to do it with was Dimitri but the only problem was that we were both dhampirs, meaning that it was physically impossible for us to have a baby together.

I heard keys in the door jiggling and finally the door opened. I quickly dropped my hands from my stomach and turned around so that my back was leaning against the sink.

At first he didn't see me as he walked around the room, placing the belongings he had taken with him on his bedside table. When he turned around, he just about jumped out of his skin at the sight of me. At any other time, I would have laughed but right now, I wasn't in the mood for laughing.

"Oh, hey." He said, looking at me warily. "No comments on that?"

I just shook my head and came out of the bathroom and sat down on our bed with a sigh, looking down at my hands. I wanted to confess my wants and needs but I knew that wouldn't be fair on Dimitri. It wasn't his fault that we couldn't have children, so when he asked what was wrong, I just said, "Nothing."

I saw his knees before I saw his face. He took my hands in his and forced me to keep my eyes locked on his. "Roza…" he began, his voice gentle. "You can tell me anything, you know that." Instead of answering, I crushed my lips to his. He was surprised at first and hesitated but soon his body's wants were taking over his thoughts. His lips met mine, equally as passionate and greedy as my own, his hands travelled down my body, his thumb brushing over my hip bone. Without breaking away, he lifted my legs so that they wrapped around his waist.

Gently, he lowered us both down onto the bed. My hands slipped under his shirt, tracing the many muscles along his stomach and on his back. He sat up for a brief moment, pulling his shirt over his head and chucking it onto the floor. His lips returned to mine and eventually, all of our clothes were on the ground and we lay side by side, panting heavily.

I turned onto my side once we were done, resting my head on his chest and peering up at him. He allowed his lips to brush my forehead and smiled down at me, but underneath that twitch of his lips, I saw the worry and concern for me.

"What's wrong, Roza?" He whispered.

So I decided to tell him about Lissa's visit and to pretend to switch my emotions around. "I'm not upset, Dimitri… I'm happy actually, happy for Lissa. She came to visit me with good news when you weren't here. She and Christian are going to have a baby."

His eyes lit up at this, it seemed that I had succeeded. "That's great news."

"Yeah, they're having their first ultrasound today too." He smiled at this.

I told him I was tired and so he let me drift off to sleep with my head on his shoulder. I heard his breathing slowing and knew that he too was falling asleep… but I lay awake for what seemed like hours, just thinking about what it would be like to have a baby inside of you, to have to defend not only for your life or a Moroi's life, such as Lissa's but someone so much smaller, someone so much more vulnerable. With those thoughts, I allowed myself to fall into a deep sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

When my mind finally lets my body succumb to sleep, my mind began to wander into the world of dreams.

_My stomach bulged out in front of me and something squirmed uncomfortably inside of me as I sat on the couch in Dimitri and I's apartment. I placed a hand against my bloated belly and began rubbing it in circles, feeling my stomach settle a little. I felt hands fall upon my shoulders and then fingers gently rub at the ever seeming knots in my back. Groaning softly in pleasure, I sank into the touch. I glanced up and was met with Dimitri's dark, hazel gaze. He smiled down at me and I smiled back. _

"_How are you feeling?" He asked me, coming to sit beside me on the couch.  
With a little adjustment, I adjusted myself so that I was leaning against his lean body, soaking in the body heat his body let off. "Fine." I replied. When I glanced up to look at his face, he gave me one of his classic "_Don't lie to me faces". _"Really, I'm fine. I'm just feeling… pregnant."  
I felt Dimitri's fingers brush over the tight skin of my belly soothingly. I sighed in content, sinking further into his touch, if that was possible. "Is there anything I can do for you, anything I can get you?" He questioned, brushing his lips gently on the spot just behind my ear.  
I shivered and felt his arms tighten around me. "Food?" I suggested and I felt his chest rumble against me as he laughed._

I woke with a little jump, caught in that moment when your mind is still half in a dream but half in reality. My head had moved from Dimitri's shoulder to his chest while I had been sleeping, where his beating heart filled my left ear; I don't think I would ever get tired of hearing his heart beat, letting me know that he was the Dimitri I loved, not Dimitri the Strigoi. My hand was spread across his rock hard stomach and gently I crinkled his shirt between my fingers. I took a deep breath, closing my eyes as his scent filled my nose. He smelled the way he always did: like home and safety.

Glancing up towards his face, I saw that he was still asleep; his facial expressions peaceful and clear of any worry. His hair wasn't tied up in its usual ponytail and so strands lay on his cheeks. I so badly wanted to run my fingers through the silky strands but I had the fear that it would wake him up and I wouldn't be able to have this rare occasion of seeing him sleep. However my wants won out and my fingers tangled in his dark brown, chin length hair.

Accidentally, one of my fingers lightly brushed the skin of his cheek. Instantly, his body tensed and his eyes snapped open, taking in the situation at hand (no pun intended). My hand still rested on his cheek and his expression eased up when he saw my face.

"Sorry." I murmured and sat up in the bed, the covers and blankets falling down around my waist, exposing my bare chest. He sat up with me, his hand coming up to rest on my lower back. I glanced over at him and noticed that he was having trouble keeping his eyes on my face. "You like something you see?"

"I feel like we've down this path before… in a motel…" He replied but nodded. I smiled faintly. "Will you tell me what's wrong now?"

Without responding, I clutched his hand in mine and placed it over my stomach, over the spot where if I was pregnant like Lissa, there would be a small human inside of me, a small person. Dimitri's warmth was comforting but his confusion wasn't. I didn't want to have to say it, it was too embarrassing and I already felt bottled up with guilt for wanting something like this.

I looked away when I saw the realisation on his face dawn. At first he just sat there, not saying anything but eventually I felt his hand move from my stomach and for a split second I thought he was going to leave me. Fear swirled through my veins and suddenly there were tears welling up in my eyes and spilling onto my cheeks. I felt warmth on my chin as Dimitri's hand cupped it and forced me to lock eyes with his. When I saw his face, I saw the hurt and anger rising in his eyes and his cheeks turning red.

Slowly his arms wrapped around me, pulling me to him and engulfing me with the heat that radiated off his body. I nuzzled my face into the crook of his neck and willed for the tears to stop. "It's ok," He murmured softly into my ear. "It's ok, we can get through this. Just tell me this much; whose is it?"  
Pulling back, my jaw dropped and my eyes widened. Hastily, I brushed the last tear away. "What did you just say?" I had to, I had to make sure I had heard him right. Did he think I was pregnant? Did he honestly think that I would have sex with anyone else?

"You're pregnant, right?"

I shook my head, exasperated. "No!" I exclaimed. "Of course not."

Now, he was utterly confused. "Then what—" He stopped himself, realisation dawning on his face. "Oh." He drew me to him again, one hand coming up to stroke my hair. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry I can't give you everything you want. I wish it was possible for us to conceive a child of our own…" He was quiet for a second before speaking once more, hesitantly, "But maybe you could get someone else to give you a child, I promise that I would love you still and I would try to love—"

I cut him off by pulling back sharply and staring at him with wide eyes. "Don't you dare." I said. "Don't you dare tell me to get naked in front of someone else just so I can bring a baby into this world."

He gazed at me, looking like he was at a loss for words. "But this is what you want." He finally answered.

"It doesn't matter what I want, ok? It's fine."

***PAGE BREAK***

It has been a week since Dimitri and I had the conversation. Since then I haven't really wanted to talk to him, so most of the time when we see each other after our duties, we just climb into bed and go to sleep. However, today is now a day off for us, meaning that we either have to interact with each other and/or do something else with someone else. So I have chosen that today is the day that I am going to have a leisurely day with Lissa.

We're in a café, the same one where I was put under arrest for being accused with the murder of Queen Tatiana, the same one where Dimitri defended me. We sit across from each other, sharing an éclair (one of Lissa's pregnancy cravings, she tells me).

We're talking, a little about how Dimitri and I are, which I lie about and say that we're just the same as always. We talk about Lissa's baby, which I regretted the whole time considering that was the only thing in my life that I wanted right now. She showed me a picture of her baby from the ultrasound and I couldn't help but be amazed at what I was seeing.

"Pretty amazing, huh?" She asked me, her eyes crinkling at the corners with excitement.  
I looked up quickly because I hadn't just heard what she said. She stopped talking immediately and looked at me puzzled with her head cocked to the side slightly. "What?"

"What did you ask me before?"

"It's pretty amazing."

"Oh yeah…" I trailed off, wishing that I was looking at my baby that was growing in my stomach, wishing that it was my body protecting it.

"Rose, are you ok?" I just nodded and switched the topic back to her. "So how many months along are you?"

"Three, I'll be showing soon too, which means that I am going to have to tell the whole court soon."

***PAGE BREAK***

After my day with Lissa, I stumbled back into my room. I leaned against the closed door heavily and squeezed my eyes shut. It was only when I heard a shuffle come from the corner that I realised that I wasn't alone.

My body tensed and my eyes widened slowly, looking in the direction that the noise had come from. Dimitri stood in front of a desk; his eyes stared at me, a small frown set on his face.

"Hey," I mumbled and walked over to the bed, perching on the end of it.

Tension hung heavily in the air, it was almost suffocating. "How is Lissa?" he finally asked me.

"She's fine, happy." I dug through the front pocket of my jeans and pulled out a copy of the ultrasound picture she had given me at the end of our day together. When I went to pass it to Dimitri, our fingers brushed ever so slightly. Inhaling sharply, I quickly pulled away, the picture falling to the floor. He sighed and bent down to retrieve it but instead of standing back up, he knelt in front of me.

"Why don't we talk about it?" He suggested and I just shrugged. I didn't want to talk about this, I hated having these cravings and I hated the guilt that it brought.

"I don't know what left there is to talk about, to be honest." I replied, speaking the truth. He cut me one of his "don't lie to me" looks but I pushed on. "I'm just going to be another girl, who never misses her period, who never gets to experience the terrible morning sickness that comes before the sun is up, or the pain of giving birth… I'm just going to be an everyday guardian that serves to protect Moroi. They come first, remember?"

I stopped before I could say anything else, thinking about one of the things I had just said. My forehead crinkled in confusion and Dimitri frowned too. "What is it?" He asked, taking one of my hands in his tentatively.

"What day is it?" I finally asked after a moment of silence.

He looked at me totally confused. "April 3rd, why?"

I feel my breath stop. When was my last period? A month ago… but that isn't possible… is it? I felt my face pale, the blood draining slowly from my cheeks and landing hard in my stomach. "Rose?" I heard Dimitri's voice say, but it was in the distance, not really a concern right now. I was staring in a daze at the carpet and felt the touch of his hand on my cheek lightly.

I had wanted this so badly that I had even pushed Dimitri away and now that I thought it was happening to me, I was scared, to be honest. I wasn't sure if I was capable of caring for another person like us. I also wasn't sure how this had happened, thinking about how both Dimitri and I were dhampirs.

However, none the less, I allowed the words to pass my lips with my eyes travelling up to Dimitri's, wide like saucers.

"I think that I'm pregnant…"


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

I watched as Dimitri's eyes widened as he blanched. He had gone rod stiff as if someone had electrocuted him and his body barely moved.

"Dimitri…?" I began; I wanted to reach out a hand and curl my fingers around his arm but thought better of it, thinking that he may need time to process what I had just said. "Say something."

He was shaking his head with disbelief, only increasing the want I felt to touch him in some way to reassure him. "Sorry, say it again."

I felt my shoulders slump and I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to keep the tears that welled up in my eyes back. "Do I really have to say it again?"

Dimitri still stood there, shaking his head back and forth. Suddenly his whole face seemed to light up and a big grin spread across his lips and I don't know when it happened but in a matter of seconds, I was in his arms and he was spinning me around in circles, my face pressed into his shoulder. "We're having a baby, we're really having a baby?" He asked me finally after he had set me done on my feet and my head spun wildly for a second.

I nodded. "I think so."

"But how?" that was the big question; how?

I sat down on the bed with a huff and Dimitri came to stand in front of me, peering down at me with those brown eyes I could easily get lost in anytime. "I don't know and Dimitri, you have to believe me, I haven't had sex with anyone else; it's only been you." I gripped his hands in mine as if willing him to believe me.

He took one of his hands out of mine and tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear, sitting beside me. Wrapping his arms around me, Dimitri tucked my head underneath his chin and stroked my hair. "I know, I know, I believe you."

We sat like that for what felt like hours, just content to be near each other, listening to each other's steady breathing and beating heart.

***PAGE BREAK***

Dimitri and I had collected a pregnancy test from the pharmacy and just as I was about to take it, Dimitri was called away. Now I sat on the bathroom floor tiles, the coolness comforting against my clammy palms, and waited.

Four minutes…

Three minutes…

Two minutes…

The clock ticked past slowly until there was only a second left. Slowly, I rose to my feet and peered over the lip of the sink. My body froze, my brain felt like it shut off and my heart felt like it was beating in slow motion. It was positive.

The thought of actually being pregnant, of being in control of someone else's life and being a mother was all of a sudden too real. I wasn't sure if I wanted this after all. The walls felt like they were closing in and the air smelled and tasted stale.

The door clicked open and that felt like my option for escape. I couldn't take it anymore and ran for the door. Dimitri stood there, his eyes widening at the wild look on my face. He caught my arm as I barrelled past him.

"Rose!" he called but it was in the distance somewhere. I pulled my arm free and ran down the hallway until I burst outside. The air was refreshing but I couldn't stop running. I expected to hear Dimitri following close on my heels but instead I only heard other people cry out in disgust as I pushed my way past them.

The trees surrounded me and the air took on a sort of woodsy smell, instantly comforting me in a way that no words could describe.

At the back of the forest was a secluded lake that seemed that only Dimitri and I knew of. As soon as I took a seat on the log, that we generally sat on together, and already felt calmer.

I sat there for what felt like hours, just staring out across the lake, watching as a couple of ducks chased each other across the water. Even when Dimitri said my name the first few times, I didn't hear him. It wasn't until a touch of his fingers on my cheek, did I snap back to reality.

"Hey—you almost look like you had somehow gotten the bond between you and Lissa back and you were checking up on her." he murmured, trying to lighten the mood a little. Dimitri stood in front of me, silent and wary. He motioned to the spot beside me on the log when I only cracked a small smile, asking for permission to sit with me. I nodded. "Are you ok?" He lifted an arm as if to embrace me and pull me close but thought better of it. I took the next move, leaning against him and nuzzling my face into his neck, breathing in the scent of his leather duster. His arm wound around me.

"I'm better now. Did you see?" I glanced up at him and saw his brown eyes peering down at me.

He nodded. "I did." His fingers traced circles on my arm from where they held me, gently squeezing me closer briefly.

"What do you think of it?"

Dimitri was silent a moment, contemplating. "I'm happy for us, Roza. I thought this would never happen for us. I did want a child and I knew—especially after Lissa become pregnant too—that you wanted one too but I knew it was impossible for us. I'm so gratefully that whoever is looking down at us, gave us the chance to try having a family together."

His free hand lied in his lap and I reached over and took it in mine, lacing our fingers together. He brought our woven fingers up to his lips and gently he kissed each one of my knuckles. "So we're going to be a family? We're going to have a baby?" I finally asked.

"Only if you want to." A grin spreaded across my face and I pulled back from Dimitri so he could see my expression. He smiled back at me and then our mouths connected and a fire ignited between us. My hands slipped under his shirt, tracing the muscles on his stomach, chest and back while Dimitri's came up to tangle in my hair.

When we finally pulled away, Dimitri rested his forehead against mine, both of us breathing heavily. "I love you, Comrade."

"And I you, Roza."


End file.
